


August Angst Challenge in Small Drabbles

by ibecomeaffinity



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Augustangst, Lots of Angst, Maybe - Freeform, just prepare to be sad, no promises though, there might be some fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-20 17:03:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 2,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15538920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibecomeaffinity/pseuds/ibecomeaffinity
Summary: @benscalligraphy on twitter posted a challenge to the reylo community for an angst filled month of August. Each day has a word prompt. I will do my best to keep up with it. Because who doesn't like a spoonful of angst each day?





	1. Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> sac·ri·fice  
> /ˈsakrəˌfīs/  
> verb: to give up (something important or valued) for the sake of other considerations.

Her heart was heavy, the aching in her chest weighing her down to her chair.

It was a pain she found almost unbearable. 

There had been too much loss. She felt more alone in that moment than she had in her entire life. 

In that moment, that one silent moment she had to herself, she let herself grieve. 

For her husband and for her brother. 

Both men who gave their lives to save her son and with him, the galaxy. The two men who knew her best, who were there through all of the suffering, fear, and fight. 

They were gone and she was alone. 

All for her son, all for the greater good. 

In that moment, she wept.


	2. Deny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> de·ny  
> /dəˈnī/
> 
> verb: state that one refuses to admit the truth or existence of.

She took a hesitant step forward, hand reaching desperately out before her. Around her, the world seemed to be falling apart. So many men lying dead, fires burning in every direction imaginable, broken pieces of machinery and ships lay in heaps. 

But still, he stood. He was there. She could save him. 

“Rey, come back!” She heard a voice yell. 

“Rey, he’s gone. He’s gone.” Another. 

“It’s too late, peanut.” 

But he wasn’t gone, he was right there. His saber ignited, standing on a lake of blood. His eyes were crazed, he was gasping for breath. Still, she reached for him. She knew if she could just touch him that she could stop this. She could save him still. 

“Ben.”

His eyes whipped up to look at her. They were wide, his pupils blown, his irises a shining ember. 

She could save him. 

As she came up in front of him, her boots soaking with the blood of her comrades, she placed a hand to his cheek. _Please let me help you._

He didn’t hesitate. She felt the sting of his blade in her side for a mere moment. 

Then the world went black.


	3. Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ghost   
> /ɡōst/  
> noun: a faint trace of something

He could hear them whispering again.

He turned his head to the right, then the left. It was a perpetual black void on either side, surrounding him, drowning him. The voices grew louder, echoing between his ears to the point it felt like he might explode.

Weak, they say. Failure, they said. He could feel the blows that followed. The reminder of how many times he let them down, the reminder of the abuse he suffered for years because of it. 

He was nothing. 

A sharp slap to his cheek, the flash of his father’s angered face.

He awoke with a start, small hands shaking his shoulders. 

Her worried eyes. 

“Armitage, they’re gone. You’re safe.” 

He wept as she wrapped her arms around him.


	4. Bleed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bleed  
> /blēd/
> 
> verb: lose blood from the body as a result of injury or illness.

As loudly as he could, he slammed the door. The sound reverberated through the walls as he slid his way down to a crumpled mess on the floor. 

They were screaming again. Whenever his father came home, without fail, they would start bickering. It always escalated, and when it did he was forgotten. They fought a lot because of him - and for other reasons - but he heard his name more times than not. 

He was a monster. He was not well. _They couldn’t deal with him._

He slipped farther into his bedroom, making his way to the dresser. In the bottom drawer, buried under his writing utensils and paper, he pulled the sharp object out. It glinted in what little light spilled through the window. 

He heard a thud, then a sob. 

A shuddered breath, and he slid the blade across his arm.   
Once, twice. 

He deserved this. 

_Monster._


	5. Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fu·ner·al  
> ˈfyo͞on(ə)rəl/
> 
> noun: the ceremonies honoring a dead person

Those that were left all gathered in the main holding space. The lights were dim, allowing their candles to flicker over the silent computers and equipment.

A feeling of hopelessness hung in the air. They mourned so many lives lost, taking time to call out every name and share a moment of silence for each.

They called _his_  name. It echoed through the hollow cavern of the pilot’s chest. _His_ name should have never been called. _He_  was gone far too soon. Escaping slavery only to live in freedom a brief flicker of time.

“I should have stopped him,” the petite brunette beside him whispered, tear slipping down her cheeks.

He didn’t look at her, eyes hidden behind a mess of brown curls. His fists clenched at his sides.

“Yes, you should have.”


	6. Pieta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pie·tà  
> /ˌpēāˈtä/
> 
> noun: a picture or sculpture of the Virgin Mary holding the dead body of Jesus Christ on her lap or in her arms.

They had been fighting again, her and her husband. Intense screaming, objects being thrown. It was immature. It was selfish. 

He had run out of his room, anguish defining his features. He begged them to stop. They didn’t acknowledge him. Her husband gave her a forceful shove.

That was all it took. 

Her son screamed, long and broken. His force signature swelled and the room around them began to fall apart. Her husband fell back, the walls crumbling around him. 

She hid. 

The room became silent suddenly, everything stilled. She looked. 

Her son lay motionless, she crawled to him. Wrapping her arms around his small frame, dragging him into her lap. She whispered soothing words into his ear, patting his head gently. Telling him it was okay to sleep.

That’s what she told herself, he was merely asleep.


	7. Yearn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yearn  
> /yərn/  
> verb: to have an intense feeling of longing for something, typically something that one has lost or been separated from.

He often caught glimpses of her, in the silent moments between sleep and wake. 

Her face would be soft - sometimes asleep herself, sometimes watching him. But the moment he stirred, she would vanish. She didn’t want him to know. 

Each time she left him, he would reach out and try to brush against her mind. He would will her to come back to him, long for her touch in the waking hours. 

He missed her and he wanted to do better. He wanted her back. 

His Rey. 

She would always be his Rey. He just hoped he could become her Ben.


	8. Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fate  
> /fāt/  
> noun: the development of events beyond a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power.

It could not have been anything other than fate that brought them together. Some might say circumstance, some might say it was all a coincidence - but he knew it was fate. The Resistance Pilot and the Stormtrooper. The way they had clicked in an instant, the pull he felt immediately was proof to him that their meeting had been written in the stars.

So he sat and he waited, carefully stitching the sleeve of their shared jacket. He listened to the steady rhythm of the monitors, casting glances at his sleeping partner. The Stormtrooper had to wake up, there was no other option.

And when he did, the Pilot would be there.


	9. Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tear  
> [teer]
> 
> noun: flowing from the eye as the result of emotion, especially grief.

Rey was no stranger to abandonment. 

It had been the defining factor of her life. No family, no friends, no companions. The few connections she made on Jakku never lasted. She learned to not grow attached. 

Which is why this hurt so much. 

To see the pleading in his eyes, to have to shut the door on him. She wasn’t the one who abandoned people, ever. But she had to. 

She felt tears on her cheeks. She felt the ache in her heart. 

She had to fight herself not to turn around and run back to him. To try and save him. To offer him her friendship and compassion. But she knew he wouldn’t take it. Not yet. 

No, what she was doing was right. 

It had to be.


	10. Brood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brood  
> /bro͞od/  
> verb: think deeply about something that makes one unhappy.

His shoulders were hunched over, fore arms resting on his thighs, his face downcast. He stared at the floor with an intensity that was completely unnecessary. His hands were balled into tight fists, and she could _feel_  the negativity and jealousy rolling off of him.

She rolled her eyes and kneeled down in front of him, placing her hands on either knee. She tilted her head to try to come between his line of view and the floor, gently clearing her throat.

“Hey, Ben,” She soothed, “Look at me.”

“No.”

She huffed. “Yes. Look at me and tell me what’s wrong.”

He didn’t look at her. “He kissed you.”

“Oh come on.” She put her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her. Kissing his nose, she then shook his head back and forth gently.

“You’re being ridiculous and you know it. He kissed my __cheek__  and it was __Finn__ for maker’s sake. You know for a fact it’s not like that.”

He scoffed. “He still kissed you.”

“Stop brooding. You know I’m yours.”

“Mm, yes. Mine.”


	11. Missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> miss·ing  
> /ˈmisiNG/  
> adj: not present or included when expected or supposed to be.

Rey had been gone for months, she had disappeared from the base under the cloak of night. When Finn went to wake her the next morning, he panicked. 

Had someone kidnapped her? Had she been killed? He had rushed to tell the General, who only nodded. He knew she was keeping something from him, from everyone. But he didn’t press.

As the days stretched into weeks stretched into months, Finn had to let the thought of Rey slip to the back of his mind. He had more pressing things that needed his attention.

After the initial recklessness of the First Order under the new Supreme Leader; their attacks suddenly seemed more honed in, refined, and clean. They came in quick and deadly, obtaining control of nation after nation.

The interesting thing, though, the thing that kept nagging Finn along side of his concern for Rey -

Kylo Ren had gone missing as well.


	12. Window

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> win·dow  
> /ˈwindō/  
> noun: a frame in a wall filled with glass that lets in the light

His arms crossed behind him, he stood rigid. Through the glass, he peered out into the empty chasm of space before him. It was desolate and bleak save for beat in, worn out, old ship from his past.

 

She was coming to him, he had seen it through her eyes. She was coming to help him, __save him__. But he knew what was to come, he knew that she would be the one to turn. Something big was about to happen, something life altering.

 

He blinked and placed a hand on the window, hearing an officer call for him. It was time to greet the scavenger and see where this encounter took them.


	13. Nostalgia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nos·tal·gia  
> /näˈstaljə,nəˈstaljə/  
> noun: a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past

She often heard others speak of their childhood with fondness and longing. They reminisced about a time in their lives that wasn’t riddled with the war, when they were innocent and unaffected. They shared stories of their homes and families that caused a pang of jealousy to grip her heart. 

She never had any contribution to these discussions, choosing to sit silently and merely listen. She did not look back on her childhood with fondness, she did not have a better time to reminisce about. No, her past was riddled with fear and sorrow. 

As terrifying as things were at the moment, she preferred her present. She stole a glance up at her friend, his rich skin reflecting the firelight in a way that reminded her of the glow of twilight. His gentle eyes connected with hers and he offered up a small smile.

  
As she rested her head on his broad shoulder, a gentle smile of her own, she knew she wasn’t the only one who chose instead to make new memories than dwell on old.


	14. Love Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love letter   
> /ləv ˈledər/  
> noun: a romantic way to express feelings of affection in written form.

The Supreme Leader was dead.

After years of chasing, begging, and fighting - it was too late. Rey had tried her hardest to convince him to turn, to come with her. 

But he refused to budge. As if Snoke had wormed his way so far into his mind that he could not break away. 

She had fallen in love with him sometime along the way. She was quick to admit it. But now he was gone. There had been no other choice. 

Upon his death, the Rebellion had been able to over throw the First Order, surrendering without much fight. 

They raided the ship, taking everything beneficial. She found his room.

Inside his desk, riddled with ink, paper, and random bits of machinery - letters. Hundreds of them. Handwritten in a beautiful script. The anguish she felt became unbearable upon reading them. They all started the same way -

_For you, My Rey_


	15. Might Have Been

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might have been   
> /mīt′əv-bĭn′/  
> noun: someone who may have been important or may have done certain things if it were not for other events

Armitage slowly took in the massacre before him. The red clad guards lay scattered, the Supreme Leader a heap on his throne, Kylo Ren unconscious. 

He took in raven haired man, processing the facts of the moment. Snoke was dead, which meant when he awoke - Kylo would be the new Supreme Leader of the First Order. 

That could not happen, Armitage wouldn’t stand for it. The childish man was too unstable, too split in his allegiance. Kylo would be sloppy, erratic, and temperamental. They needed a leader who could keep a level head and make sound decisions. 

No, if anyone should take the reigns, it was Armitage. He would do the Order right, he would lead them into a stable, smooth victory. 

He saw the other man begin to awake and didn’t hesitate to draw his blaster.   

He pulled the trigger.


	16. Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love, of course, love. Flames for a year, ashes for thirty.  
> \- Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa ; The Leopard

Meeting in cloaked darkness of night, they whispered words of affection. Evening after evening, she begged him to stay but always he would say goodnight. Stolen kisses and pleading eyes, they willed the sun to never rise.

His arms wrapped her in a scorching embrace, she reacted with a fervent desperation of her own. Time together was always rushed. She pleaded him to come home with her, but he bade her goodnight and whispered promises of his return.

She wept each morning as they returned to their roles of war. Her heart torn between duty and desire, a burden she was barely able to carry.

That night she stole away as always, she willed his hands to find hers. Waiting for a lifetime or two, the sun began to rise. With the sky cast in hues of azure, her eyes filled with the sorrow of her heart.

Night after night she waited for him.

Night after night she remained alone.


	17. Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dream  
> /drēm/  
> noun: a person or thing perceived as wonderful or perfect.

When he was a young boy, living at his uncle’s temple - Ben Solo would have nightmares more times than not. Tossing and turning, fighting sleep, he knew what awaited him was agony. 

But every so often, his dreams took a contrasting turn - he would find himself in the desert, a small girl by his side. She was bedraggled but determined. She would tell him she was waiting for her family to return. She would fill him on her days and he would be attentive. 

He relished in his nights with the little girl. She always seemed eased to see him, making him feel important, cared for. As time moved forward, the girl faded and only nightmares remained. 

Yet a decade later, he stepped foot on a desert planet far on the outer rim. He was instantly flooded with familiarity. If he looked hard enough, perhaps he would see the girl again.


End file.
